When I first entered quarantine, I was excited. I was able to go back home and just relax until all of this craziness was over. The first two weeks were easy. I got up whenever I wanted, I worked out, I created some blog post and got to spend more time with my family.
Honestly, I was living the life. But again, that was the first two weeks. It is now week 5, and I feel like my life has been uprooted from under me. What felt like a vacation now feels like a rush to complete and figure everything out.
When I had to spend my birthday in the comfort of my home, I thought I could get through anything. But as the weeks go on, this peace I thought I had has now turned me bat-s*** crazy.
It could be the struggles of finishing my last year of college, on a laptop screen surrounded by the walls of my house, or the fact that I’m being forced to stay in the house. I am having withdrawals from my friends, college, and even my relationship. This was supposed to be an ending to an era. Milestones like, celebrating my last hoorah with my college besties and walking across the stage accepting my undergraduate diploma have been ripped from my grip.
To top it off, I am now looking for a “big girl” job. & that has been a stressful task in itself. I don’t even know where to start.
Before I get on a tangent, I am grateful. I am thankful to be spending more quality time with my loved ones, grateful that my family members are still able to provide an income, and appreciative that I have a place to go back to.
And while I am grateful, I speak for a lot of us when I say that this time is still scary for the people who are in my circumstance. First world problems Dominique and yes, I get it. Of course, I don’t want to be that person that complains about their small issues when others’ are going through probably the worst time in their lives.
But whose to say that my small problems don't matter?
Yes, all that makes sense. But, for the people out there who feel like you’ve stretched yourself thin this quarantine, I empathize with you. Completely.
And of course, I came into quarantine with an unrealistic mindset. I wanted to be motivated, I wanted to learn new skills, take care of my health, and reclaim my peace. & all of that worked the first few weeks. I was on it. Working out every day, eating healthier, writing more, was a part of my daily routine. Now, I have to say I am burnt out. At this point, I don’t even want to leave my bed. I’ve walked into the kitchen to fix a meal a million times a day, and I have lost my passion for writing.
All of this is relatively new to me. Being locked in, while the world is calling my name. But, like my mother taught me, some things in life are seasonal. This season is showing me a lot of things, like being alone and the lack of discipline I have. It also taught me how much I crave adventure and learning new things.
With all this in mind, I decided to let go of this structure for a while. I don’t want to put too much pressure on myself. I had to come to terms with the fact that I might not be ahead of the curve when quarantine is over, but at least I have my sanity, and that’s all that matters.
The first thing that I am getting post-quarantine is a big 'ole bucket of crabs. So I guess there is a light at the end of the tunnel.